I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
