Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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