OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
