another moral hangover. fuck.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
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Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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