If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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