How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
