My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
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I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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