you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
