Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
