so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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