Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
