The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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