between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
