yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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