Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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