so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
