When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
