we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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