3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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