just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
