I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
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I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
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Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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