Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
