I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
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You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
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We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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