Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
