Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
