I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
