My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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