I hope mine doesn't look like that
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
