Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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