He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
