So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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