The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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