You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
