I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
