I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
