thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize