He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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