I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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