I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
