I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
