I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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