So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
