Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
