dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
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His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
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I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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