I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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