i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
