So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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