Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm both gender and math confused
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
