isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
