Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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