apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
