i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
