Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
