trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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