he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
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why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
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Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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