The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
