I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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