can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
