is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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