she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I want a musical about memes.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
