I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
When are your genitals available?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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