Kiss
Puke
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
